dazzit.

- By next month my facebook will be loooongg gone. I just need to get a flash drive and save all my old pics from highschool so I can reminisce from time to time. It's been a good 4 yrs but I don't have the wherewithal to deal with the ignorance, overshare, and myspacedness of facebook anymore. I'm done.

- Niggas who nag me could GO! I'm getting sick of buggy niggas like I'm the last female on earth. I got shit-ta-do-ta-day!

- I need to do some personal research on black history, the government, and American education because I feel like I am not doing enough self-study. Aside from reading books I don't try to learn leisurely, and I need to do more research that is not mandated. If I want to be a successful educator I need to be knowledgeable.

- Obese grandma, obese momma, obese kids. A sad cycle that never ends... My First Aid and Child Psych class is opening up my eyes even more of the negative effects of obesity (especially in America) and how it can effect every other facet of how the body works, how we learn and grow, and how it is hereditary. I saw Supersize Me 3 wks ago and have vowed to never eat McDonalds again. Also my teacher has a friend who works for a chemical supplier who told him that McDonalds puts chemicals in their burgers to keep people from getting nauseous. That disgusted me enough. IDK about Wendy's but I'll also be doing some research on their additives to see whether I'll be going there ever again and if not I'm done with fast food forever. Also, no more Coke. After it's done being made, it's green in color until they add food coloring into it. No, sir!

- Summer classes have helped me to become more studious and prioritize. I wish I could be working a lot more so that I can stack but this quick, 16 day semester, I believe will really pay off in the end. Also I'm thinking about minoring in Spanish so hopefully I'll be making those moves next semester. If I'm gonna be in college another 2 yrs. anyways I might as well make the most of it; and apparently you aint shit if you don't know Spanish these days.

- Jersey in 2 wks! :)

ahh.. a new year!

Here we go! It is 2010 and I am ready for this year to be FTW.

I don't like to make resolutions so I don't have anything that I plan on doing this year that I didn't do last. As things progress I'll make the changes that I see fit but I'm not gonna make overall goals for a whole year. That's a pre-failed promise in my opinion.

I went on this party bus event to NY to bring in the new year with a few of my highschool friends & their friends from their schools. It was decent. It was just really crazy. Mad sleezy heffers, and arguments and fuckery was in place. It was just ridiculous. And I am not a friendly drunk. I'm belligerent and grumpy like hell. Waiting for an opportinity to cuss a nigga out. So I had to do that twice in order to put people back in their place. People were getting kicked off the bus and shit. But aside from all that extra the unltd. free liquor at my disposal, champagne toasts, and ripping bitches shit was well worth the $60 admission fee.

I'm at Grandmas. So far I've hit all of the points of people that I NEEDED to see except for my father's side of family, which I believe I'll be catching up with this wknd. Hopefully everything goes well. Even though I hate the ridiculous drive it is to get here, I don't think I'll be able to fly again without having a car. It's really annoying having to rely on others and it makes me feel like I'm not grown enough to do things whenever the fuck I want, which I clearly am.

I heard one of my roommates smoked weed while I was gone. Yes, the churchy one. That makes me laugh. And I'm mad I missed it. I heard she hated it though so... I bet she wasn't hitting that good-good. *kanye shrug*

I'm watching some shit called American Gangster and it's cool.

I don't think I'll be as up on my blogging and net surfing in a minute because I'm trying to rid some of my small distractions. So my posts will probably be more few and far between.

I'm trying to concentrate on making big moves this year so I gotta be as focused as possible. That means less free time.

But I do wanna make some changes for my blog in this year too so I'll try to make sure I make time for that.

Now let me get back to watching American Gangster.

jersey soon,

Tomorrow I'll be home<3

half-ass christmas.

I stayed over my mommy's house lastnight after I got home from work so we could do Christmas morning like we usually do. I got her 2 stupid little things because I'm broke: a Zippo lighter (she smokes weed, and I hate seeing grown women with cheap gas station lighters) and these boots that I got for myself that she loved, I got her a pair.

She got me a new printer. I'm always fussing with my shit even though its CLEARLY broke and I refuse to buy a new one. So she did it for me. Also a bottle of Cruzan, a few hundred bucks so I can have young mulah baby when I'm get to Jersey in 4 days, a new robe, some Bobbi Brown lipglosses, and errrumm... I think that's it.

We spoke with my fam.
We watched movies.
We napped. (I slept in and out the whole day because today's the first day I got to sleep past 8 and haven't had to work a 5+ hr shift.)

And that was it. I slept so much, off and on, today that I actually thought it had gone into the next day and Christmas was yesterday.

I didn't get to eat anything involving my grandma's gravy since before August. I'm FUCKING PISSED! All I ate today was 5 chicken wings and 2 of those appetizer sized spinach quiches.
Now you tell me, what kinda fucking Christmas is this?

No FAMILY? No GRAVY?
I am too through with this living in North Carolina bullshit.

*sparks up*

You wouldn't believe how many times I open a different tab of my page and listen to a song loop over and overr and overrr.... espesh when I'm high. It's fucking great!

click-clack.

My grades were buns. (I refuse to publicly embarrass myself so I'm not telling you my shit.)

I just got done painting my nails. None of my roommates are here. I have the ONLY chocolate craving and it's not even "that time."

Work be chewing my ass, man. Gotta open by myself again tmrw so that means I gotta be there @ 7:30 and do all those fucking morning tasks by myself. It's whatevs though, my paycheck will definitely be Whole Foods-healthy. YUM!

Idk what I'm doing for NYE yet. I'm not one for planned nights (shit always gets fucked up somehow) but right now I got nothing. Let's hope I don't end up drinking rum & cokes and ordering movies ondemand in the den @ my grandparents house while grandma makes snacks downstairs. -- I've done that one too many times before.

Masturbation and marijuana for the remainder of the evening? Good plan, Aliyah!

8 days until Jrsy.

blurb.

OMG Special K Red Berries is my shit! It's the only other cereal I don't think is disgusting besides Kix with no milk.

Anyways I'm fucking up this bowl of cereal and thinking about shit. Like how I wanna buckle down and focus for next semester. I really just wanna start over completely and not look back. I need to make a routine though to do that because one of my worst habits is acting on impulse. If I don't have daily tasks I'll get so distracted from the shit that I'm really supposed to be doing.

I kinda wanna change my major but that's irrelevant right now.

I painted my nails yesterday and they're already chippy. FML.

Ok so there's supposed to be some big storm coming. I hope it doesn't get too crazy because I have to go to work like everyday until I leave. I hate the fact that we only have 5 people at my job and we get mega hours. I know it's gonna slow down after the season is over which ends in like 2 more wks anyways so I'm not gonna complain.

Jersey in 10 days! And something tells me it's not gonna be as exciting as I want it to be. It's just gonna be regular ass, rude NJ. None of my friends will probably be around, I'm not gonna have my car because I'm flying so that sucks and I feel like everybody's gonna be too busy to be able to do stuff. That's always how things like this end up going. You get all worked up and then you're like, "Oh." when you get there.

But hopefully it's not too bad. I really just wanna make sure I spend as much time with my family as possible. Not even out doing things, but just being in their presence again so I can re-remember the weird things about them like how they smell and their dimples and how tall they are etc. etc. Idk, if you've ever missed somebody that you loved so much you know this feeling.

I wanna puppyyyyyyyyy so bad.

I've just been thinking about so much lately. Like I said, this has been a breakthrough year. Things have been nuts this year for me; not all things were bad things either. But I still just wanna make a turn around for the better in the year to come. I won't be a "teenager" anymore and that to me makes me wanna put more effort into becoming more stable as I enter my adult years. One of my fears is being unachieved, being unachieved AND old?......

I like Snooki.
I hate Natalie.

& I have a love/hate thing with Nicki Minaj. Like wtf? She was fire on Higher Than A Kite, Million Dollar Baby was good (minus the Max B), I Gets Crazy is hot too. Then she had to get all Bratz doll on us. But Dopeman is kinda tight. (Sorry, I'm biased anything with Pusha is a go in my book.)

It's cold as fuck in this house. I'm bouta to turn the heat on full-ignorant-motherfucking-BLAST. (I like doing things to this specific extreme.)

Ok, that's all I wanted to say.

Wait, one more thing. I kinda miss NF. He had my interest.

if you just wanna read some pointless, random shit....

I miss street vendors. That's one thing that the "city" of Charlotte is missing. No city is complete without old, foreigners selling $7 rings made of random stones and metals or cheaply made $5 glasses or $5 belts. :(

I got a job as keyholder at Claire's. I was gonna post this a long time ago, when I was really nervous about whether I'd get hired or not despite me meeting the DM, but I didn't because I feel like blogger is cursed. Everytime I post about something it goes to shit. (Oh well, I'm superstitious and it doesn't make sense but just rock with me.)

LALALA I want a fucking pound of weed. I have ridiculous cravings and it's just so fucking annoying now that I haven't smoked in over a month! I'm getting irritable. On the plus side, if I needed to take a drug test now would be the most opportune timing.

I'm really trying to figure out what I'm gonna do when my lease is up. I don't really like the apartments I live in because it's mostly college kids that live here and the owners know that, so they take advantage of it by slacking on maintenance and things of that nature. Also I don't think my living situation is the best. I have 3 female roommates. I already have an unforgiving and intolerant nature so throw 3 random females into the equation and, like Clark Kent I turn into *dun dun dun DUNNNN!* UBERBITCH! There is lots of shade, side eyes, and stank faces thrown their way when I see nasty crumbs on the counters or when an ignorant ass lets the fucking garbage bag fall into the bin and still putting shit inside it. I really need to minimize my stress by at least getting into a living situation where I will only have to deal with 1 other person's reckless bullshit.

I just heard a pop outside that sounded like a gun shot and I didn't even flinch. But let a group of niggas walk by, my ass will jet towards the window and peep through the blinds. NOSEY OLD LADY GAME PROPER!

I miss a time when life was simpler and my only care in the world was what class I was gonna cut, what I was gonna wear tomorrow, how I was gonna get liquor and sneak out for the house party on the weekend and whose parents were gonna let them borrow the car. (aka highschool) When you're a youngin you think you can handle, and actually sort of embrace, the responsibility of being "grown" but now I wish I could turn back the hands of time. Shit like paying for gas and even buying groceries and shit for the house is just TOO FUCKING MUCH! I really used to underestimate my mother's responsibilities as a parent and now I realize I owe her the world! Life is fucking expensive. And why the fuck does aluminum foil cost a fucking arm and a leg?

A fight just happened outside my building. *shrugs*

School mannn... I might try to take a majority of online classes next semester cuz I just don't want to get out my fucking BED sometimes! And the crazy shit is, I try to say that I'm not lazy because I don't wanna get out of my bed to sit in a class but I'll hop the fuck up and throw on my shox to hit the gym in a heartbeat. My fucking priorities be all skewed and shit

You probably already know this but I loveeee green tea! :)

I hope weed gets fucking legalized soon. Let's ALL party!
Also, I don't understand how people will drink but when the topic of weed gets brought up it's "I DON'T FUCK WITH THAT SHIT?!" Like its blasphemous. Oh, so you'll put chemicals and toxins in your body, and ruin your liver, but won't smoke this natural herb? OH, OK! Makes perfect sense.

I need some fucking eccentricity in my life! The south is basic as hell.
SB: I'm really gonna try to stop bashing the south like I don't live here now. I don't want people to think that I think I'm better than them just cuz I'm from NJ. It's a compilation of reasons why I'm better so I'll try not to make that the most significant one. LMAO!

I think I'm gonna start using Flickr more. I don't use it because I'm lazy and I hate exploring new sites and getting all aquainted, I'm too preoccupied with shit that matters. But I take alot of pics on my bb so after I get that shit on and poppin I'll post a link somewhere I guess.

My nipples hurt and 739 pimples just appeared on my face. Guess my period will be making it's comeback for the month of November sometime soon. ([/enthusiasm] /sarcasm)

Blahzay blahh. Woo woo. Yee yee and all dat.

insomnia: 05

I feel like things are changing. More now than ever I'm having "adult-like" thoughts. Thinking about what I'm going to do with my future, my goals, what I want to have by the time I'm 25 and so on and so forth.

I'm also realizing I don't have the tolerance and patience for grown people who do kid things.

It disgusts me that my roommates will wash 1 dish after they use it. There can be 3 cups a bowl and a couple utensils in the sink but these bitches will put soap on a plate, run a little water and wipe it down with a sponge. THAT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING (dishes do not get completely cleaned and sanitized unless they are submerged in hot water and soap) and it wastes the fucking dish soap that I bought! I don't understand why they just don't run some fucking dish water and wash the dishes in the sink.

Also I don't understand what constitutes the appropriate level of garbage that has to be in the can before they take that bitch out. When do some females become domesticated, I wonder? They are pitiful.

I signed a year lease for my apartment in August so I won't be able to move out until next August unless I sublease. Howevever, come next August I am determined to get my own apartment and get a doggy. (I really don't wanna come home to an empty house every day.)

I've given up on finding friends and/or pursuing a relationship right now. I don't care for people down here and niggas aint shit. Kiddinggg. If I meet people, then that's cool but I'm not sweating the situation. Friends and relationships are not necessarily conducive to MY PERSONAL goal; they are merely setbacks. Yeah, ideally I want to have both but I don't, and allowing that to consume my thoughts, put me down, and depress me is doing nothing productive for me.

I often forget that I came into this world alone; with no one. And I guess it takes certain situations to remind me of that. Since I've moved I've left alot of people behind (including my inconsiderate bestfriend). I can't be concerned with doing things in hopes of maintaining my relationships with people because all that bs gets you stuck.

My main focus right now is getting a JOB, staying in the gym, keeping my grades up, and stacking my chips.

I miss my familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! OMG man! I would have to say not seeing my family has been the hardest part of my move.

I was never really close to my father but being away from every thing and everyone I care about has made me appreciate EVERYTHING, even the things I hate, back at home. By the time I get back to Jersey I want to work on establishing a closer bond with my father.

I guess I'm just growing up, in a way. Petty shit that used to mean something doesn't mean a thing. I'm more aware of what I want out of life and I have a somewhat clear view of how to attain it. I'm also learning more about myself and learning not to take the things that I do have for granted.

Despite the fact that I hated moving, I feel like God made this happen for a reason.

'Thank you.'

hurr did + good news.

I'm deciding to do something that I've never done before and stop perming my hair for a while.

I'm not going completely natural because I don't really like my hair when it's not straight. I mean, it's ok but it's not really manageable and it gets dry really quick and I don't like throwing mad oil and shit in my hair because I have oily skin and... blah blah blahh.

I really just want my hair to get strong and thick. It doesn't really break much but I want NO breakage and I want it to get alot thicker and at some point I'm gonna try to go natural but right now I'm not really feeling it. Eventually though, I want to have long, natural hair (maybe in 10 yrs) and I want to know what to do with natural hair because I don't want my daughter to get perms.

Right now (un-straightened and wet) my hair is like an inch and 1/2 past my shoulders in the back but it's layered, so it goes from shoulder, to neck, then chin and then I have angled bangs in the front.

My steps toward my eventual long and natural hair will be to stretching my perms out for 6 months at a time and trying to use minimal heat (I don't really use alot of heat on my hair though. I blow dry maybe 3x a month and flat iron maybe 4x.) I don't really know how this is gonna work so I'll definitely update and let you know if I couldn't tough it out but I'm really gonna try.

In 2 days it will have already been a month and my new growth is veryyy wilder beast right now but I'm gonna try to find some stuff to do with my hair without putting weave in it because.. I'm "ehh" about weaves.

But like I said I'll keep you posted and let you know how this thing goes.

Also I have been really slacking with my school work. But as of this wknd I am gonna be back on my grind. For like the past 2 wks I was being real shitty with my determination and just plain out lazy and that is just not going to cut it. I really need to prove to myself, and everyone else that I'm not just going to be a mediocre C student for my whole college career.

GOOD NEWS! Mommy is planning to move back to Jersey Jerzzz soon! I am so happy! Like moonwalk across the fucking kitchen happy. She told me that Charlotte really isn't what it was projected to be, economically and that the market here for... pretty much everything is cheeks. So, as soon as I get certified (maybe another yr and a half) I'll be packing up the trunk and hauling my shit back to the state that I love - New Jersey, bitch! :]



Keep it juicy.

get gully.

I hate to say I told ya' so but I knew this was gonna happen:

So my roommate and I almost fought yesterday. We had just left the club where her nagging ass was complaining the whole time about how bored she was and yadda yadda. I actually felt bad because, at one point, she even went outside to sit by herself while me and my other roommate danced but I guess she feels a little insecure because at 6'4" she stands out towers over most dudes.

BUT ANYWAYS, We get in the car and I'm like "Well did you dance in high school?" and she's like "We usually would just dance in a circle." So I'm like hmmm... "Like old people?" Yeah it was a little joke but it wasn't that serious. Then she goes on about how her grandma practically raised her and she "grew up with morals and values she she doesn't grind on dudes."

And I'm thinking to myself like... THE FUCK SHE TRYNA SAY, I DON'T HAVE MORALS?

So I keep my cool and bypass the insinuation, all the while, try to ration with her and tell her that most grandmas would say that kind of dancing is inappropriate because of the generational difference.

SO (here goes the drama) she goes on to say that:

• I always have something to say about somebody/something.
• I speak to people too aggressively.
  
• I am "a fucking bully."
• I think I can talk to anybody how I want because I'm from Jersey.
• I am "a disrespectful ass bitch."
• I am mean as hell.
• I need to humble myself.
  

ALL THE WHILE SCREAMING THIS SHIT @ ME ON THE WAY HOME WHILE OUR OTHER ROOMIE'S DRIVING.

OK... now.... *deep breath*.......

When I say it took EVERY OUNCE OF MY ENTIRE fucking inner-being not to haul off and punch this bitch in the back of her head, I MEAN THAT SHIT.

Calling me out of my name alone is means for a curb stomp but shorty really tried to go in on me.

Mind you she is in my face all day everyday asking me what I'm doing or asking me why I say certain words the way that I do, trying to mimic the way I talk, doing little bothersome shit that like... little sisters do to their big sisters. (I can't think of a better description.)

AND we had a fucking house meeting last wk on some bullshit yet I was basically the only one who spoke about my issues.

I told them then, "If you have a problem with anything that I do you need to open your mouths because problems won't get solved if you don't say anything," and I told them, "be real with me because I don't respect people who don't keep it 100."

I also don't understand how the fuck a grown ass woman, who's 6'4 can feel bullied by an equally grown woman who is 5'3. That shit is ironic as hell and it just don't make sense.
As far as me speaking aggressively, it may be my dialect or accent or whatever or the cultural differences but I really don't know what the fuck she's talking about. Nor do I plan on finding out because I've been who I am since May 16, 1990 and will not be changing who I am 19 yrs later for one lonely soul. And that Jersey statement just made her sound like a pussy.

Last but not least.
These are the only conditions under which I would need to humble myself:
1. When speaking to my mother; she birthed me.
2. When speaking to an elder; it is respectful.
3. (To an extent) In situations with my man; dick is a powerful thing.
4. When speaking to my boss; he writes the check.

Any situation other than the above do not call for me to "humble myself" because motherfucker I'm grown.

And so I went off on her something ill because... bitch, who the fuck you think you are? And it didn't stop until we got home. We argued, threw the b-word around and shit until we got home. My other poor roommate didn't even say a word. And also she basically asked if I was moving out or she and I told her "I'm not going no where."

So idk what's gonna happen now but shit, all is said and done. I really think she has some sort of underlying issue with who I am and my personality and it all just came out but shit I never change. If I changed myself to accommodate those who had a problem with who I am, I would never know the real me.

And I am also very proud of myself because I truly feel like I am growing into an adult. Had this confrontation happened 2 yrs ago I would've been on the shoulder of the highway fighting like she hurt my mother (that's the thought that used to get me hype in my head back in school).

I'll keep yous updated on everything.

she's baaaack.

I am back by request. Sasha really made me feel missed out here. I lost a follower, I don't know if they deleted their blogspot or just stopped following me, but it's all gravy.

The tumblr stint was good for a cool minute but people started getting really fugazee on there like the posts were getting less and less original, more and more copy cat. And people were breaking their spines for attention. So, "OH WELLLL, OH WELLLL!" [/miss jones]

This summer has not been the best but I guess I'm gonna look on the bright side of things and be happy that nothing went terribly wrong. My job screwed half the staff over with payroll and I have yet to recieve a check. (Mind you work started on July 6th and ended on the 31st.) And yet I still sit here check-less. They act like niggas don't have rent and shit to pay.

I leave Jersey on Monday and I move into the apartment on the 15th. I'm excited but this semester is gonna be a life changing one. Ideally I wanna get my grades together, get my GPA up and pledge by spring semester. 2 of my girls are trying to do the same thing so we're all gonna keep eachother focused as best we can. But, in order for me to fulfill all of this I have to STOP SMOKING WEED!

It's not gonna be so hard in the beginning because I don't know anybody down there so I won't know who sells or whatever. But once I find out it's gonna be hard for me to not sucumb to the temptation. I heard that they got some dirt in NC anyways so maybe I'll just wait until I take my next trip back up to Jersey and get an ounce. Because I can't even fathom the last time I bought a dime or dub. I've been fucking with good weight since April and I realize how much buying small shit is a waste of $$.

Also, I changed my major so I have to get alot more serious too. My major now is pre-education so I have to change alot of shit up now.

But basically, that's about it with the update. I'm happy to be back on blogspot because it's a little more intimate over here. I sincerely like the posts of those that I follow and vice versa and that's really all that matters.

Later.

unsigned hype.

I realllyyyy don't understand all the opinionated blog posts around the BET awards, the twits, the tumblr posts, all that. really it is 2 days later and people are still creating blogs about it and it's really not a big deal. Like, at all. No one here is famous so... what do their measly opinions matter to those who are?

Anyways, I signed my lease on my apartment yesterday. I'm gonna have 2 other roommates (so far) and it's less than a half-mile walk away from UNC's campus. I refuse to pay that fucking $385 parking fee when I can get free parking in the complex and I can get some (light) exercise in daily. It's funny because when I was telling my mom that I'm not driving to school everyday she's like "Well what about in the colder months?" LMFAO!!! I laughed in her face, North Carolina has no "colder months" compared to Jersey weather so she's trippin. Like I said, I WILL NOT BE PAYING FOR PARKING.

I can't wait to go back to Jersey for the remainder of the summer though. I have alot of plans:

• Spending the 4th of July with my cousins (and maybe my bestfriend) smoking and then going to see fireworks.
• Having dinner with my ex-longterm boyfriend that I miss so much. (We're just really not compatable.)
• Chilling with the 2 throwback dudes that I'm kindaaaa talking to. We went to hs together and they both hit me up recently trying to spend some time. Why not? I can let loose for my last month home.
• Seeing my booski, Adina, who's coming home for a jersey reunion tour lol.
• Stacking chips so I can get a new car by March.
• Blowing down until I pass out.

This should be a fun few weeks before I come down here to NC and bore myself to pieces in school. The only bad thing is waking up @ 5/6am every weekday. And if you know me, you know mornings are not my fucking friend AT ALLLL!

But that's about it I guess. Shit's cool besides that.

The end.

I hate that I'm still single.