insomnia: 05

I feel like things are changing. More now than ever I'm having "adult-like" thoughts. Thinking about what I'm going to do with my future, my goals, what I want to have by the time I'm 25 and so on and so forth.

I'm also realizing I don't have the tolerance and patience for grown people who do kid things.

It disgusts me that my roommates will wash 1 dish after they use it. There can be 3 cups a bowl and a couple utensils in the sink but these bitches will put soap on a plate, run a little water and wipe it down with a sponge. THAT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING (dishes do not get completely cleaned and sanitized unless they are submerged in hot water and soap) and it wastes the fucking dish soap that I bought! I don't understand why they just don't run some fucking dish water and wash the dishes in the sink.

Also I don't understand what constitutes the appropriate level of garbage that has to be in the can before they take that bitch out. When do some females become domesticated, I wonder? They are pitiful.

I signed a year lease for my apartment in August so I won't be able to move out until next August unless I sublease. Howevever, come next August I am determined to get my own apartment and get a doggy. (I really don't wanna come home to an empty house every day.)

I've given up on finding friends and/or pursuing a relationship right now. I don't care for people down here and niggas aint shit. Kiddinggg. If I meet people, then that's cool but I'm not sweating the situation. Friends and relationships are not necessarily conducive to MY PERSONAL goal; they are merely setbacks. Yeah, ideally I want to have both but I don't, and allowing that to consume my thoughts, put me down, and depress me is doing nothing productive for me.

I often forget that I came into this world alone; with no one. And I guess it takes certain situations to remind me of that. Since I've moved I've left alot of people behind (including my inconsiderate bestfriend). I can't be concerned with doing things in hopes of maintaining my relationships with people because all that bs gets you stuck.

My main focus right now is getting a JOB, staying in the gym, keeping my grades up, and stacking my chips.

I miss my familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! OMG man! I would have to say not seeing my family has been the hardest part of my move.

I was never really close to my father but being away from every thing and everyone I care about has made me appreciate EVERYTHING, even the things I hate, back at home. By the time I get back to Jersey I want to work on establishing a closer bond with my father.

I guess I'm just growing up, in a way. Petty shit that used to mean something doesn't mean a thing. I'm more aware of what I want out of life and I have a somewhat clear view of how to attain it. I'm also learning more about myself and learning not to take the things that I do have for granted.

Despite the fact that I hated moving, I feel like God made this happen for a reason.

'Thank you.'