half-ass christmas.

I stayed over my mommy's house lastnight after I got home from work so we could do Christmas morning like we usually do. I got her 2 stupid little things because I'm broke: a Zippo lighter (she smokes weed, and I hate seeing grown women with cheap gas station lighters) and these boots that I got for myself that she loved, I got her a pair.

She got me a new printer. I'm always fussing with my shit even though its CLEARLY broke and I refuse to buy a new one. So she did it for me. Also a bottle of Cruzan, a few hundred bucks so I can have young mulah baby when I'm get to Jersey in 4 days, a new robe, some Bobbi Brown lipglosses, and errrumm... I think that's it.

We spoke with my fam.
We watched movies.
We napped. (I slept in and out the whole day because today's the first day I got to sleep past 8 and haven't had to work a 5+ hr shift.)

And that was it. I slept so much, off and on, today that I actually thought it had gone into the next day and Christmas was yesterday.

I didn't get to eat anything involving my grandma's gravy since before August. I'm FUCKING PISSED! All I ate today was 5 chicken wings and 2 of those appetizer sized spinach quiches.
Now you tell me, what kinda fucking Christmas is this?

No FAMILY? No GRAVY?
I am too through with this living in North Carolina bullshit.

*sparks up*

You wouldn't believe how many times I open a different tab of my page and listen to a song loop over and overr and overrr.... espesh when I'm high. It's fucking great!

if you just wanna read some pointless, random shit....

I miss street vendors. That's one thing that the "city" of Charlotte is missing. No city is complete without old, foreigners selling $7 rings made of random stones and metals or cheaply made $5 glasses or $5 belts. :(

I got a job as keyholder at Claire's. I was gonna post this a long time ago, when I was really nervous about whether I'd get hired or not despite me meeting the DM, but I didn't because I feel like blogger is cursed. Everytime I post about something it goes to shit. (Oh well, I'm superstitious and it doesn't make sense but just rock with me.)

LALALA I want a fucking pound of weed. I have ridiculous cravings and it's just so fucking annoying now that I haven't smoked in over a month! I'm getting irritable. On the plus side, if I needed to take a drug test now would be the most opportune timing.

I'm really trying to figure out what I'm gonna do when my lease is up. I don't really like the apartments I live in because it's mostly college kids that live here and the owners know that, so they take advantage of it by slacking on maintenance and things of that nature. Also I don't think my living situation is the best. I have 3 female roommates. I already have an unforgiving and intolerant nature so throw 3 random females into the equation and, like Clark Kent I turn into *dun dun dun DUNNNN!* UBERBITCH! There is lots of shade, side eyes, and stank faces thrown their way when I see nasty crumbs on the counters or when an ignorant ass lets the fucking garbage bag fall into the bin and still putting shit inside it. I really need to minimize my stress by at least getting into a living situation where I will only have to deal with 1 other person's reckless bullshit.

I just heard a pop outside that sounded like a gun shot and I didn't even flinch. But let a group of niggas walk by, my ass will jet towards the window and peep through the blinds. NOSEY OLD LADY GAME PROPER!

I miss a time when life was simpler and my only care in the world was what class I was gonna cut, what I was gonna wear tomorrow, how I was gonna get liquor and sneak out for the house party on the weekend and whose parents were gonna let them borrow the car. (aka highschool) When you're a youngin you think you can handle, and actually sort of embrace, the responsibility of being "grown" but now I wish I could turn back the hands of time. Shit like paying for gas and even buying groceries and shit for the house is just TOO FUCKING MUCH! I really used to underestimate my mother's responsibilities as a parent and now I realize I owe her the world! Life is fucking expensive. And why the fuck does aluminum foil cost a fucking arm and a leg?

A fight just happened outside my building. *shrugs*

School mannn... I might try to take a majority of online classes next semester cuz I just don't want to get out my fucking BED sometimes! And the crazy shit is, I try to say that I'm not lazy because I don't wanna get out of my bed to sit in a class but I'll hop the fuck up and throw on my shox to hit the gym in a heartbeat. My fucking priorities be all skewed and shit

You probably already know this but I loveeee green tea! :)

I hope weed gets fucking legalized soon. Let's ALL party!
Also, I don't understand how people will drink but when the topic of weed gets brought up it's "I DON'T FUCK WITH THAT SHIT?!" Like its blasphemous. Oh, so you'll put chemicals and toxins in your body, and ruin your liver, but won't smoke this natural herb? OH, OK! Makes perfect sense.

I need some fucking eccentricity in my life! The south is basic as hell.
SB: I'm really gonna try to stop bashing the south like I don't live here now. I don't want people to think that I think I'm better than them just cuz I'm from NJ. It's a compilation of reasons why I'm better so I'll try not to make that the most significant one. LMAO!

I think I'm gonna start using Flickr more. I don't use it because I'm lazy and I hate exploring new sites and getting all aquainted, I'm too preoccupied with shit that matters. But I take alot of pics on my bb so after I get that shit on and poppin I'll post a link somewhere I guess.

My nipples hurt and 739 pimples just appeared on my face. Guess my period will be making it's comeback for the month of November sometime soon. ([/enthusiasm] /sarcasm)

Blahzay blahh. Woo woo. Yee yee and all dat.

halloween weekend recap.

So I didn't go to A&T. Turns out I was supposed to work on Friday and most of the events were that day so it was kinda pointless in me going. Furthermore, I didn't even end up working though >=[ so I went shopping and to get mexican with mommy. We got margaritas, got tipsy and ate too much food but it was fun.

Saturday I was supposed to do something with the club I'm in, Student Council for Exceptional Children, but my ass had a hangover and completely disregarded my alarm going off @ 8am so I woke up @ 12:30. I was so upset because I was really looking forward to going! :(

Then I went out with one of my friends from home who goes to JCSU. We were supposed to smoke and then hit up the club but all of her connects were @ A&T so there was none around. It was good though because it was raining hard as HELLL and I don't think it would've been smart for me to drive in that rain being high (IDK if this saying applies but I'm gonna just throw in a "The LORD works in mysterious ways!")

We still went to the club though which, frankly, was a hood club. That shit was just..... idk man! But I came to the realization that I'm gonna have to rule out clubbing in NC. It really does nothing for me. I don't like the music, I don't like the atmosphere... shidddd, I could go on forever. I did try to dance and all that because I didn't wanna be a Debbie Downer or whatever but I really wasn't feeling it AT ALL.
Also, it was crazy because as we were leaving we saw 2103280 cop cars outside of the McDonald's next door and the whole property caution taped off, I told my mom about it today and she tells me some 19 yr old kid was shot and killed. The worst part about it is the kids 16 yr old brother was shot and killed last Dec. I feel so bad for that family! That type of shit just makes my heart flutter.

Today I had to babysit my little buddies Cooper and BJ. Cooper who's 3 decided he wants to attend a shit-on-himself party that I have to clean up after. :( There was shit smeared on the toilet, his PJs, and his whole body from the waist down, including his feet! I was pissed off but I love kids and I just couldn't even be that mad at him. BJ's 11 and autistic and he's really good. He always gives me kisses on the cheek and it's the cutest thing.

I hope everybody balled out on Halloween though.

insomnia: 05

I feel like things are changing. More now than ever I'm having "adult-like" thoughts. Thinking about what I'm going to do with my future, my goals, what I want to have by the time I'm 25 and so on and so forth.

I'm also realizing I don't have the tolerance and patience for grown people who do kid things.

It disgusts me that my roommates will wash 1 dish after they use it. There can be 3 cups a bowl and a couple utensils in the sink but these bitches will put soap on a plate, run a little water and wipe it down with a sponge. THAT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING (dishes do not get completely cleaned and sanitized unless they are submerged in hot water and soap) and it wastes the fucking dish soap that I bought! I don't understand why they just don't run some fucking dish water and wash the dishes in the sink.

Also I don't understand what constitutes the appropriate level of garbage that has to be in the can before they take that bitch out. When do some females become domesticated, I wonder? They are pitiful.

I signed a year lease for my apartment in August so I won't be able to move out until next August unless I sublease. Howevever, come next August I am determined to get my own apartment and get a doggy. (I really don't wanna come home to an empty house every day.)

I've given up on finding friends and/or pursuing a relationship right now. I don't care for people down here and niggas aint shit. Kiddinggg. If I meet people, then that's cool but I'm not sweating the situation. Friends and relationships are not necessarily conducive to MY PERSONAL goal; they are merely setbacks. Yeah, ideally I want to have both but I don't, and allowing that to consume my thoughts, put me down, and depress me is doing nothing productive for me.

I often forget that I came into this world alone; with no one. And I guess it takes certain situations to remind me of that. Since I've moved I've left alot of people behind (including my inconsiderate bestfriend). I can't be concerned with doing things in hopes of maintaining my relationships with people because all that bs gets you stuck.

My main focus right now is getting a JOB, staying in the gym, keeping my grades up, and stacking my chips.

I miss my familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! OMG man! I would have to say not seeing my family has been the hardest part of my move.

I was never really close to my father but being away from every thing and everyone I care about has made me appreciate EVERYTHING, even the things I hate, back at home. By the time I get back to Jersey I want to work on establishing a closer bond with my father.

I guess I'm just growing up, in a way. Petty shit that used to mean something doesn't mean a thing. I'm more aware of what I want out of life and I have a somewhat clear view of how to attain it. I'm also learning more about myself and learning not to take the things that I do have for granted.

Despite the fact that I hated moving, I feel like God made this happen for a reason.

'Thank you.'

get gully.

I hate to say I told ya' so but I knew this was gonna happen:

So my roommate and I almost fought yesterday. We had just left the club where her nagging ass was complaining the whole time about how bored she was and yadda yadda. I actually felt bad because, at one point, she even went outside to sit by herself while me and my other roommate danced but I guess she feels a little insecure because at 6'4" she stands out towers over most dudes.

BUT ANYWAYS, We get in the car and I'm like "Well did you dance in high school?" and she's like "We usually would just dance in a circle." So I'm like hmmm... "Like old people?" Yeah it was a little joke but it wasn't that serious. Then she goes on about how her grandma practically raised her and she "grew up with morals and values she she doesn't grind on dudes."

And I'm thinking to myself like... THE FUCK SHE TRYNA SAY, I DON'T HAVE MORALS?

So I keep my cool and bypass the insinuation, all the while, try to ration with her and tell her that most grandmas would say that kind of dancing is inappropriate because of the generational difference.

SO (here goes the drama) she goes on to say that:

• I always have something to say about somebody/something.
• I speak to people too aggressively.
  
• I am "a fucking bully."
• I think I can talk to anybody how I want because I'm from Jersey.
• I am "a disrespectful ass bitch."
• I am mean as hell.
• I need to humble myself.
  

ALL THE WHILE SCREAMING THIS SHIT @ ME ON THE WAY HOME WHILE OUR OTHER ROOMIE'S DRIVING.

OK... now.... *deep breath*.......

When I say it took EVERY OUNCE OF MY ENTIRE fucking inner-being not to haul off and punch this bitch in the back of her head, I MEAN THAT SHIT.

Calling me out of my name alone is means for a curb stomp but shorty really tried to go in on me.

Mind you she is in my face all day everyday asking me what I'm doing or asking me why I say certain words the way that I do, trying to mimic the way I talk, doing little bothersome shit that like... little sisters do to their big sisters. (I can't think of a better description.)

AND we had a fucking house meeting last wk on some bullshit yet I was basically the only one who spoke about my issues.

I told them then, "If you have a problem with anything that I do you need to open your mouths because problems won't get solved if you don't say anything," and I told them, "be real with me because I don't respect people who don't keep it 100."

I also don't understand how the fuck a grown ass woman, who's 6'4 can feel bullied by an equally grown woman who is 5'3. That shit is ironic as hell and it just don't make sense.
As far as me speaking aggressively, it may be my dialect or accent or whatever or the cultural differences but I really don't know what the fuck she's talking about. Nor do I plan on finding out because I've been who I am since May 16, 1990 and will not be changing who I am 19 yrs later for one lonely soul. And that Jersey statement just made her sound like a pussy.

Last but not least.
These are the only conditions under which I would need to humble myself:
1. When speaking to my mother; she birthed me.
2. When speaking to an elder; it is respectful.
3. (To an extent) In situations with my man; dick is a powerful thing.
4. When speaking to my boss; he writes the check.

Any situation other than the above do not call for me to "humble myself" because motherfucker I'm grown.

And so I went off on her something ill because... bitch, who the fuck you think you are? And it didn't stop until we got home. We argued, threw the b-word around and shit until we got home. My other poor roommate didn't even say a word. And also she basically asked if I was moving out or she and I told her "I'm not going no where."

So idk what's gonna happen now but shit, all is said and done. I really think she has some sort of underlying issue with who I am and my personality and it all just came out but shit I never change. If I changed myself to accommodate those who had a problem with who I am, I would never know the real me.

And I am also very proud of myself because I truly feel like I am growing into an adult. Had this confrontation happened 2 yrs ago I would've been on the shoulder of the highway fighting like she hurt my mother (that's the thought that used to get me hype in my head back in school).

I'll keep yous updated on everything.

update, smutplate.

Let's play 4 Lies and a Truth:

I got 100 on my first quiz.
I got a milli in the bank.
I got a kid on the way.
I got a glock in the closet.
I got a nigga in my bed waiting for me.

...Guess which one is true!

Lol, ok it doesn't take that much guessing! But it'd be great if, for my amusement, you assumed that I had a milli in the bank OR a nigga in the bed. I guess I'll be happy for that one little lonely truth sitting up there, I GOT 100 ON MY FIRST QUIZ, GUYSSS! This is coming from the lady that never gets 100 on ANYTHING! So yes I'm gonna gas this shit up.

But besides all that school's cool, I guess. It's hard because the one year that I decide to focus and not let my social life take over, is the one year that I transfer and don't know a soul (except for my roommates). They're cool though so I kick it with them alot but I need to meet some people on my own, outside of my house because I lowkey feel like eventually they're gonna get on my nerves if I'm around them alot alot. SO! I have to shed my "Fuck other females cuz they aint 'bout shit" attitude if I don't wanna be a social leper.

My mom and I are on bad terms. Chick still thinks that she could talk to me like I'm 12 and it's all G but oooh is she misinformed! So when I was on my way to her house last wk and she started getting outta pocket I told her that I wasn't coming and banged on her 2 miles away from her house. I know it sounds DISRESPECTFUL but I was already frustrated because I was driving around the fucking state for an hour, wasting a quarter tank of gas trying to get to her house and here she is talking to me like I owe her tax... Nahh doggy, I will not be arriving to your house with bells on. But she hasn't spoken to me since. *Shrugs* Do what it do, baby!

Everything else is just coasting by smoothly. The Nigga Survival Kit (liquor and weed) are running low, but I'm living. I'm not even gonna front and say that I won't be repurchasing any weed anytime soon because I'd only be lying to you and me both, but I'm probably gonna wait until I find a job to cop an oz because what I look like dropping about $150 on weed and the 50 count box of dutches and I don't even have a steady paycheck? That's some ignant sheeit!

But shit, we eating over here so it's all gravy until I randomly spend all my money in one night at Urban Outfitters, Kids Foot Locker and Cook Out (cuz they got these good as "cook out trays" where you can get close to 4 things for like $6)! Yall know how it is right?

bro-shots.

A couple of my little past flings decided to band together and call me today. NO, it wasn't like some mass 3-way call. It's just that I got some random calls/txts today and it was just funny that dudes picked August 14, 2009 to call me. Mind you, I haven't spoken to these guys in at least a month.

That shit really blew mines.

In other news, I move into the apartment tmrw. I'm excited but I'm not gonna stay there for like the 1st 4/5 days because I have to help my mom move out of Bruce's house.

Coming to America has been on Bravo all night long and for some reason I found myself watching it 2x.

And so, apparently X is mad that I stopped calling him. He really turned me off with that whole Kawanna stunt that night. And it's crazy cuz I was really feeling him and everything was dope because we've known eachother since we were 14 and we had alot of commonalities, but the fact that he was constantly involved in some trouble REALLY turned me off. Like oftentimes he'd be like, "Oh yeah that's right! We DID go to that party! Damn, sorry I was too fucked up." That shit is just, EW! Fucking turn off man.

But he SAYSSS that he is working his ass of at Verizon and he realizes he was doing dumb shit. I'm glad he realized that but he's kind of a day late and a dollar short. He's still in Jersey and I'm in I hate NC. Sooo.... *shrugs* But he's also saying he's gonna start calling me everyday and although I protested profusely he's all "We need to reestablish our friendship."

I guess we'll see what happens, not just with X but with everything: school, finding a job, being the new kid again, the apartment etc.

I'll keep you posted.

she's baaaack.

I am back by request. Sasha really made me feel missed out here. I lost a follower, I don't know if they deleted their blogspot or just stopped following me, but it's all gravy.

The tumblr stint was good for a cool minute but people started getting really fugazee on there like the posts were getting less and less original, more and more copy cat. And people were breaking their spines for attention. So, "OH WELLLL, OH WELLLL!" [/miss jones]

This summer has not been the best but I guess I'm gonna look on the bright side of things and be happy that nothing went terribly wrong. My job screwed half the staff over with payroll and I have yet to recieve a check. (Mind you work started on July 6th and ended on the 31st.) And yet I still sit here check-less. They act like niggas don't have rent and shit to pay.

I leave Jersey on Monday and I move into the apartment on the 15th. I'm excited but this semester is gonna be a life changing one. Ideally I wanna get my grades together, get my GPA up and pledge by spring semester. 2 of my girls are trying to do the same thing so we're all gonna keep eachother focused as best we can. But, in order for me to fulfill all of this I have to STOP SMOKING WEED!

It's not gonna be so hard in the beginning because I don't know anybody down there so I won't know who sells or whatever. But once I find out it's gonna be hard for me to not sucumb to the temptation. I heard that they got some dirt in NC anyways so maybe I'll just wait until I take my next trip back up to Jersey and get an ounce. Because I can't even fathom the last time I bought a dime or dub. I've been fucking with good weight since April and I realize how much buying small shit is a waste of $$.

Also, I changed my major so I have to get alot more serious too. My major now is pre-education so I have to change alot of shit up now.

But basically, that's about it with the update. I'm happy to be back on blogspot because it's a little more intimate over here. I sincerely like the posts of those that I follow and vice versa and that's really all that matters.

Later.

unsigned hype.

I realllyyyy don't understand all the opinionated blog posts around the BET awards, the twits, the tumblr posts, all that. really it is 2 days later and people are still creating blogs about it and it's really not a big deal. Like, at all. No one here is famous so... what do their measly opinions matter to those who are?

Anyways, I signed my lease on my apartment yesterday. I'm gonna have 2 other roommates (so far) and it's less than a half-mile walk away from UNC's campus. I refuse to pay that fucking $385 parking fee when I can get free parking in the complex and I can get some (light) exercise in daily. It's funny because when I was telling my mom that I'm not driving to school everyday she's like "Well what about in the colder months?" LMFAO!!! I laughed in her face, North Carolina has no "colder months" compared to Jersey weather so she's trippin. Like I said, I WILL NOT BE PAYING FOR PARKING.

I can't wait to go back to Jersey for the remainder of the summer though. I have alot of plans:

• Spending the 4th of July with my cousins (and maybe my bestfriend) smoking and then going to see fireworks.
• Having dinner with my ex-longterm boyfriend that I miss so much. (We're just really not compatable.)
• Chilling with the 2 throwback dudes that I'm kindaaaa talking to. We went to hs together and they both hit me up recently trying to spend some time. Why not? I can let loose for my last month home.
• Seeing my booski, Adina, who's coming home for a jersey reunion tour lol.
• Stacking chips so I can get a new car by March.
• Blowing down until I pass out.

This should be a fun few weeks before I come down here to NC and bore myself to pieces in school. The only bad thing is waking up @ 5/6am every weekday. And if you know me, you know mornings are not my fucking friend AT ALLLL!

But that's about it I guess. Shit's cool besides that.

The end.

I hate that I'm still single.

the good, the bad, the ugly.

the good:

-- I got accepted into UNC. yayy!
(even though I have mixed feelings about this cuz i really wanna stay in jersey) *sad face*

-- I got a job working @ my school for this summer academic program for highschool & middle school kids.

-- 1 more day until my bday. Gimme like 6 stacks and a batch of cupcakes lmfao.

the bad:

-- My uncle passed last night in some sort of freak boating accident. I found out @ 8am today when I was on my way to Philly. My bday week will never be the same.

-- I move out early tmrw morning which means that this is the last night I will see my school.

the ugly:

-- your faceeee (SIKE!!)




I love being with my mom because she buys me thangss. We splurgedd today =] and I didn't even do my bday shopping yet so who knowwss what else I'll get.



Sometimes I wish things never had to come to an end...


EDIT: BLOGGER IS SLIPPIN' ON THEY PIMPIN' TODAY!! WHAT'S GOOD WITH THE MISSING PICS AND SHEIIT?! C'MON!

realist shit i ever wrote.

I just got done from finishing my last final and the feeling is pretty much bittersweet.

The semester's over and all I see is niggas moving bins and TVs out of their room and I just get this overwhelming feeling of "whatthefuck".

Idk bc this year is def. different because from here I'm moving to (wack ass)North Carolina. That shit really makes the end of this semester totally different. I'm not gonna have my same suitemate, Vanessa, that I've known since highschool. I'm not gonna even gonna have the comfort of knowing that I went to highschool with A SHITLOAD of people that I go to school with anymore. I'm not gonna see the familiar weed-smokers in "the back" anymore. It all just makes me feel so unsure about everything. =[

Whatever though, I guess everyone has to move out of their comfort zone sometime in life right?

Then on top of that, it's my bff's bday today. And the fact that her bday is 8 days before mine, I always have this mini-crisis around this time because I just feel like a whole 'nother year has passed.

Ugh it's all good. Ima puff a lil and get over this shit asap!
Have a good evening everyone!

there's really only ONE man i need in my life.

*him.

I just came back from the gym and it was poppin! I haven't been in like a week and a half and I could feel the difference. I felt more slumpy.

I need a boyfriend that likes the gym so I can go with him and he can like train me & shit. >=[

Also, I think it's really weird that I'm still single because I'm NEVER single. Like I've always had a bf but no one that I talk to right now really strikes me as bf material. The thing is I feel like there's a reason for this...

** SIDEBAR: I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and when things happen I find out that there was a ligit reason as to why. This is partly why I don't stress about alot of things.**

Well I'm supposed to be going to NC (which I hate) soon to live with mommy bc she's obsessed with me and is encouraging me to transfer to UNC because I go to state school that's really... average. And I think when I leave jersey I'm gonna find a prince charming (ew that sounded soooo cheesy LMFAOOO!)

Sike not prince charming, but a good dude.
Jersey niggas really BUG me sometimes.
OH and lemme not forget new york niggas (specifically brooklyn niggas) yall bug me too!
Ha! We'll see.