rude boy.

I sware I don't fucks with Rihanna like that and I know yall bouta see this video everywhere and a half. But tell me she is not giving us the business.



I'm wit' it. 100%. She selling that sex aint she though? Finally she's expressing more of her West Indian culture in this video which I like. I die for cultural things because I despise being 'just American'. I mean I know way back it goes deeper than that but the most I know is that my great great grandparents on both sides were born in America which bores me to pieces. So when people don't get braggy about their background aliyah gets angry!

But uhh.. I'm rambling. Lemme get off this.

insomnia 10: stopping in.

I'm making moves out here. Right now things are good. My car is nearly kaput but it's all gravy because I plan on getting a new car in Jan. I'm aiming for the g35 but who knows. I just gotta have some restraint on how I spend my young mulah baby so that means no more Jimmy John's, Thai food, and picking up random things on my way to the cash register "because it's only 10 dollarsss!" I'm a sucker for things that are "only *insert any monetary figure that is $20 or less here*" or if they have a SALE sign hanging above it. SMH.

I'm not going in on my l_ve life because every time I mention shit about a nigga on here..... well, you know the rest. So, mind your business. I will say I keep torturing my ex by sending him half-nakies (yup, with the face cut off). It's FUN! :] MWAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

I'm probably gonna end up moving back with my mommy after my lease is up in July. She hates her living situation and even though I don't necessarily wanna live with her I'm not really feeling my living situation either. I don't think I'll be able to live with another female that I don't fuck with like that again. Mommy gets on my last nerves, but at the end of the day that's moms, so I just walk away stewing but in 15 minutes I'm good. When people that I don't care about get on my nerves, it makes me just wanna pour ammonia in their soup. (And I say this with the straightest of straight faces right now) Revenge is sweet to me and I just get evil thoughts sometimes. *kanye shrug*

And plus, I wanna get a puppy and we can't have pets here. Womp womp!

Ummm... my ass still fat, my waist still little and my titties still plump and that's all that matters.

Sike. But forreal though, here's some pics from our... idk... dinner turned party the other night: (be advised: i was in rare form. click the pics for hugeness)

That is a sexy tatt.



Niggas get Henny in the sys and start breaking tables and shit... SMH.

Those are my roommates. (We all kinda don't fuck with the tall bitch anymore. Well.. I don't fuck with her AT ALL.)

Wanna know what's crazy though? Dude with the tatt (I forgot his name) was trying to put that word in my ear the WHOLE NIGHT! He even put his # in my phone but I have no clue what his name is so it's somewhere lost in my contacts. Nothing was gonna go down though cuz I'm a laaaaaaaaaaadyyyyy [/Shananay voice].

what if...

If it's green and hairy, I will smoke it.

If it's funny and weird, I will love it.

If it's soft and cuddly, I will touch it.

If it's cool and sweet, I will drink it.

If it's flattering and tight, I will wear it.

If it's easy and fun, I will do it.

If it's dark and rich, I will taste it.

If it's fast and shiny, I will drive it.

If it's cute and clean, I will kiss it.

If it's meaningful and deep, I will read it.

If it's pink and sparkly, I will buy it.

...just so ya know.

insomnia 08 - '09 wrap up.

This year has been a crazy year of ups and downs. There were alot of changes for me this year and although they weren't all good, I think experience is the best teacher so there are some things that I know now that I would not have realized if it weren't for the circumstances.

This year I got my first car and apartment. Two things that signify adulthood and independence. However, I've always been told that with freedom comes responsibility. I believe it. Rent is no joke. Actually, rent is fucking ugly and I hate it. The car shit is all gravy but once a month my mom lectures me about how fast I drive and how she'll kill me if her insurance goes up. *Talk to the hand*

I moved. I hated it. I still hate it. I don't fucking like where I live and I would've never envisioned myself living outside of New Jersey, let alone in North Carolina. But I have to. My roommates, although they bug me to pieces, they are actually great people as a whole. We have alot of good times together and I've learned things from living with them.

My uncle died. The epitome of the great father that I never had. He and my aunt were going through a kinda ugly divorce but he was always a good father and my cousins loved him. He was the type of father that a single-mother raised girl would love to have and he was just a great guy overall. He died 3 days before my birthday and I was devastated. He's unforgettable.

One thing that resulted from my uncle passing was my re-acquaintance with my fathers side of my family and my father. I hadn't seen my nanna in a long time, and some of my cousins had grown to be so big. My father attempted to make nice with me, and out of respect I was receptive to him but all the years lost can't be made up for. I think he knows when my birthday is but who knows? He has never done much and I don't expect much. But dealing with the death of my uncle helped me to understand not to take my family for grated.

My grades still aren't good. I do just enough to get by but I'm bad with class attendance. I hate going to class sometimes. I want to be a GREAT student. I want to make my family proud but at the same time I have no discipline and I don't know how to make myself show up to class everyday. I'm working on that. I really want to change.

I don't talk to my "bestfriend," Brielle, anymore. When I moved, she was apathetic. And blew off the plans we made for the week before I was supposed to leave. (This isn't the first time she's done something like this) Then after that, she still didn't hit me up until 3 wks later. That's not a bestfriend, that's barely even a friend. And from someone I've known for so long, I would expect her to be better than that. So I cut her off. Another experience that teaches me not to expect much from people.

My mom and her boyfriend, who she moved down here for, broke up. She moved out of his house 3 wks after I got here and she just took everything she wanted and left one day. I think it was best for her, they weren't compatible and he was borderline verbally abusive, but it breaks my heart that the reason I'm down here is essentially because my mom came down for him and then she leaves.... WHAT THE FUCK?! That shit really blew mines!

I got a decent job at Claire's. I like my coworkers, they're cool. But I cried because I couldn't go home for Thanksgiving because I had to work Black Friday. I don't care too much about Christmas. I'm not a kid anymore and I really stopped expecting to get gifts (especially in times like this) but I wanted to eat good food, get drunk, and spend hours laughing with my family. :(

A few days before Thanksgiving my great grandpa was diagnosed with colon cancer and because he's so old he won't last long. Need I stress that my family is MY WORLD; the only constant, unchanging thing in my life. Then today my mom tells me he found out he has liver cancer as well which just adds insult to injury. It has been stressful and hard to focus on positivity when so many emotionally draining things have happened thus far between my move and everything, and my family. The doctors told us that my bed-ridden great grandma was supposed to die years ago and my main fear is that I lose both of them within a short span of time. I feel like when my great grandpa passes my great grandma will throw in the towel as well. I'm scared of everything.

So this has been my year. A quarter tank of good and the rest filled with bad. I got to take one step forward, but with all of the tragedy and my move, I had to take two steps back. I smoke alot and sleep alot because during those times my mind isn't there. I can take my head away from whatever is burdening me and not give a fuck for some time. I just want everything bad to just stop being bad. Hopefully next year will be just a great, positive year! I hope.

insomnia: 07 - snatched edition.

I snatched this little survey thingy from REESE. Enjoy!

:1: MY EX- stalks me via BBM.
:2: MAYBE I SHOULD- start going to sleep at a decent hour.
:3: I LOVE- $$$, kids, smizing LOL (i watch too much tyra), fat, fat L's, porn, hip-hop, sleeping forever, watching gossip girl on mondays touching my boobs and color-coordinating my closet.
:4: PEOPLE WOULD SAY THAT I'M- ruthless; they're right.
:5: I DON'T UNDERSTAND- a-whole-lot of shit.
:6: WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING- i roll right back over.
:7: I LOST- my life somewhere at the jersey state border.
:8: LIFE IS FULL OF- random, unexplainable shit.
:9: MY PAST IS- worth knowing.
:10: I GET ANNOYED WHEN- people drive slow in front of me and i can't get in front of them because someone else is driving the same pace in the other lane. stop doing me dirty, grandma drivers!
:11: PARTIES ARE- not the same after high school.
:12: I WISH- i had photographic memory so i wouldn't have to study.
:13: DOGS- bark.
:14: CATS- meow.
:15: TOMORROW- i get to sleep in. wednesdays are the shit!
:16: I HAVE LOW TOLERANCE- for making small talk. it's a waste of time. some people can't just be silent.
:17: IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS- i'd waste it on frivolous shit and give my mom a few stacks just for being my ride or die.
:18: I'M TOTALLY TERRIFIED: of birds. they move too sporadically and they look weird.

I think someone unfollowed me.

*moment of silence*

insomnia: 06

Umm this whole post is going to be an update/random stream of thought so if you're not up for reading nonsensical information, move it right along, there's nothing to see here.

Let's proceed:

I'm supposed to be going to A&T for homecoming on Halloween but who knows. I hate dressing up, that shit is gay! I'm one of "those people" who say gay for things that I think are wack or corny sometimes. I shouldn't do that because it's politically incorrect (and I love gays). EVERYTHING IS FUCKING POLITICALLY INCORRECT NOW!

I went out with my mom today to see this 'Street Beat' thing. If anybody remembers Stomp when it was on Broadway it was kinda like that. I really am over my mom thinking aloud in my presence. She tells me damn near every fact that pops into her head and it's really annoying. She also sends me texts like this:

"Nt goin 2 ATL. Frnd DJing here, doin garage sale, gt paper du nx Tues."

Normally I shoot people who speak to me in this fashion. But I can't because she's like, my mom... yanno?

I need to get home STAT! I miss everything about it.

Some $ugar daddy material aged, white cheddar was being a little TOO nice to me at the restaurant today. Like, REALLLLLL nice. Like, "Would you like a drink?" nice. I should've exchanged pins with him (although I don't think old people BBM like that) but I was only @ the bar to meet up with my mom and that would've been awkward because he was probably older than her.


I walked into my apartment and the whole thing smelled like boiled ham! I cannot with these bitches. BUT I see Lauren finally decided to wash the 3 days worth of dishes she let pile up. (Ignant ass!) Normally I wash all of the dishes, since everybody else wants to wash dishes as they use them, but I'm not doing that shit anymore. I hardly eat at home anyways because I'm ALWAYS doing something.

I gotta wash my hair and take out my garbage.

The end.

p.s. All songs on the page from now on will now be accompanied with my fav. lyrics or bar OR personal meaning. I don't just pick these songs just because.

insomnia: 05

I feel like things are changing. More now than ever I'm having "adult-like" thoughts. Thinking about what I'm going to do with my future, my goals, what I want to have by the time I'm 25 and so on and so forth.

I'm also realizing I don't have the tolerance and patience for grown people who do kid things.

It disgusts me that my roommates will wash 1 dish after they use it. There can be 3 cups a bowl and a couple utensils in the sink but these bitches will put soap on a plate, run a little water and wipe it down with a sponge. THAT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING (dishes do not get completely cleaned and sanitized unless they are submerged in hot water and soap) and it wastes the fucking dish soap that I bought! I don't understand why they just don't run some fucking dish water and wash the dishes in the sink.

Also I don't understand what constitutes the appropriate level of garbage that has to be in the can before they take that bitch out. When do some females become domesticated, I wonder? They are pitiful.

I signed a year lease for my apartment in August so I won't be able to move out until next August unless I sublease. Howevever, come next August I am determined to get my own apartment and get a doggy. (I really don't wanna come home to an empty house every day.)

I've given up on finding friends and/or pursuing a relationship right now. I don't care for people down here and niggas aint shit. Kiddinggg. If I meet people, then that's cool but I'm not sweating the situation. Friends and relationships are not necessarily conducive to MY PERSONAL goal; they are merely setbacks. Yeah, ideally I want to have both but I don't, and allowing that to consume my thoughts, put me down, and depress me is doing nothing productive for me.

I often forget that I came into this world alone; with no one. And I guess it takes certain situations to remind me of that. Since I've moved I've left alot of people behind (including my inconsiderate bestfriend). I can't be concerned with doing things in hopes of maintaining my relationships with people because all that bs gets you stuck.

My main focus right now is getting a JOB, staying in the gym, keeping my grades up, and stacking my chips.

I miss my familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! OMG man! I would have to say not seeing my family has been the hardest part of my move.

I was never really close to my father but being away from every thing and everyone I care about has made me appreciate EVERYTHING, even the things I hate, back at home. By the time I get back to Jersey I want to work on establishing a closer bond with my father.

I guess I'm just growing up, in a way. Petty shit that used to mean something doesn't mean a thing. I'm more aware of what I want out of life and I have a somewhat clear view of how to attain it. I'm also learning more about myself and learning not to take the things that I do have for granted.

Despite the fact that I hated moving, I feel like God made this happen for a reason.

'Thank you.'

insomnia: 04 - sex edition.

(Cartoons, because I still want the kiddies to come to my blog! :])

Everybody loves sex. Not necessarily the act of having sex, but people just love sex; whether they want to admit it or not. It's intriguing, mysterious, exciting, interesting, strange etc. So what better a topic to speak upon when I can't go to sleep and I've just gotten done masturbating (yes, I washed my hands) than SEX?

• I love sex. I can go long periods without it because I don't like to participate in floozy activities and I own a vibrator but once I get sex I'm instantly re-addicted.
• I think phone sex is really awkward.
  
• I've only had 2 orgasms ever.
• You burn about 200 calories per every 30 minutes of sex.
• I love hearing other people have sex! Except that time I heard my mom. WTF? That shit ruined my childhood.
• I always lie about how many people I've had sex with. That's no ones business but my own. It hasn't been alot but even if it was 2 people I'd say something different because no one deserves the truth about my sexual partners but me. (AND my future husby)
• Never anal. Never will.
  
• Humans and dolphins are the only people who have sex for pleasure.
• When I was younger I used to sneak and watch stuff like Taxicab Confessions and Real Sex on HBO. I was so badass.
• I taught some of my friends in middle school what masturbation was.
• Men aged 12 to 19 think about sex at least once every five minutes.
• I hate predictable sex in predictable places with predictable positions. After the 2nd time I have sex with someone, if they don't change it up somehow, I will go ape-shit and just start doing random things.
• I will have a 3-some one day but I refuse to eat another bitch's pussy.
  
• Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality in all mammals. *Take that, all you fuckbags who think that homosexuality is "learned."
• I am the most porn-watching female that I know.
• If I have ever met you in person and I know your boyfriend/girlfriend, I have envisioned you two having sex at least one time. If you are a cute dude, I have envisioned you fucking me.
• Sex actually relieves headaches. (It can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.) No excuses!
• Sex when you know you JUST MIGHTTT get caught or walked in on, is 389581094 times better.
• My favorite male porn star is Rico Strong. Favorite female used to be Pinky but in my opinion Jazmine Cashmere has surpassed her in the game.
  
• More than half of British adults have had sex in a public place!
• I only watch 3-some porn.
• When I was younger my mom had some tape (yes, VHS) of Ron Jeremy with this african chick fucking on the ledge of a jacuzzi. I watched that shit so much that I broke the tape. OOPS!
• I cannot watch any porn outside of black porn or a black man with a black or latina woman. Anything else does not turn me on at all! (I think it's the voices.)
  
• A man will ejaculate approximately 18 quarts of semen, containing half a trillion sperm, in his lifetime.
• My grandparents are very young at heart still but I refuse to believe that my grandpa has sex. That will taint my admiration of him. However, by force, I have come to terms with my grandma having sex because she continues to remind me. >=[
  
• I don't believe my great-grandparents ever had sex. Pointblank.
• A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.
• High sex is euphoric.
• My mom caught me masturbating when I was 11 and decided to REMIND me of it via text last year. I still hate her for that.

That concludes tonight's sex talk. If any of this shocks you, you need to get out more. Lmao!

* LINKS ARE NSFW. BUT RIGHT-CLICK > COPY LINK LOCATION. TRUST!

Keep it juicy.
p.s. 200th POST, BITCHESSS!

insomnia: 03

- I'm definitely NOT studying for my archaeology midterm right now. (I plan on sitting next to this anthropology major, Steve, who likes me.)

- I've been PMSing for the past 2 wks and I'm just trying to get her to come already so we can get this shit over with!

- PMS = sleeping for 15 hours/day, cold stares, cynical, nonchalant behavior.

- I wonder what I'm doing for Halloween. Sike, who am I kidding?! I don't have friends here.

- My Fall season:

• plaid
• velvet blazers
• neutral colored tube socks
• menswear
• bold colored trousers
• reinvented khakis

- Woohoo! Just got the new BBM :]

- Sleeping in late and Gossip Girl are the only reason I like Mondays.

- I'm so tired of G-Shock watches. Those shits were cool (and significantly cheaper) when I was in 6th grade. How much can you overhype a bulky ass WATCH? Niggas don't even look down on their wrists anymore.

- UGH! I need a oz. of some pretty, top quality, red haired grass!

- WHY was Lil' Mama on Tyra today? That made me very grumpy.

- I want this puppy.


- My roommate ate a WHOLE PLATE of dry macaroni and cheese today and had the nerve to call the people on tv fat. Umm....

- My nipples are uber hard right now. Someone needs to turn off the air! >=[

- I miss Jersey and I miss my great grandma.

insomnia: 02

I'm tired of people (specifically my roommates) saying that I _____ like a dude.

• You work out like a guy.
• You curse like a man.
• You listen to boy music.
• You drive like a nigga.

EHH NERR!

The fuck? I can't just not be lazy when I'm in the gym? Some people don't go to the gym just to be cute and scurry around in spandex. Fuck all dat! I'm going there to get results. I run for 30 minutes, I do ab bends with 30 lb. weights, I do knee bends with 15 pound weights, I get on like 4 machines and I'm out. I'm not trying to hang around and be cute, keep fixing my ponytail in the mirror and take a gazillion water breaks. I got the focused, "Don't talk to me" face on the whole time and I mean that shit.

No, I just have a foul-mouth when I get really into the conversation or I'm adamant about what I'm saying. And I'm grown so suck my meat!

I get told I listen to "boy music" often. I listen to ALOT of hip-hop; basically only hip hop. Every now and then, when my ipod is on shuffle, a random Mariah Carey or Lauryn Hill song will pop up. But I don't care for R&B too much. I don't care what people want to sing about love and I don't really fuck with any other genre... It is what it is. Truthfully, I deleted alot of music of other genres from my ipod because I can't listen to anything but rap when I'm high. But who the fuck proclaimed rap music as the music for dudes only? Like who wrote that rule? Fuck outta here! Ima still rock with my G shit and keep it moving.

I drive like I want to get to wherever the fuck I'm going and avoid all the bullshit. I don't have patience. I don't like to wait for the granny that wants to slowly coast to the intersection. I don't like to step on the brake all the time because that wastes gas, so I switch lanes when I pull up on a slow person. I drive like I want to move the fuck away from the person who CLEARLY doesn't know how to drive. I know I drive like a jerk -- so do many females. The ones who don't have time to spend lolly-gagging behind a fucking Volvo when they're trying to get to the mall before it closes.

Kill the fucking gender-stereotypes. That shit is not breezy.

insomnia: 01

I'll be doing these from now one since my sleep pattern is skewed.

Progress with NF but I don't even like mentioning my progress anymore because something always getting fucked up whenever I'm talking to someone. I like being single, it's fun racking up numbers, leading niggis on and playing hard to get is all gravy, but at the same time I'm ready for something a little more regular in my life now. Country boys are shy. BOOOOO!

I really need to find a fucking job and stop spending money. I have money in my account but it's really supposed to go towards rent for the next couple of months. But I keep spending that shit! NINE WEST WAS HAVING A FUCKING SALE THOUGH! And then after I bought 2 pairs of shoes I wanted to get an outfit, so I went to Urban. Then, next thing I know, I see Vicki's and they were having a 7 for $25 pantie sale! Vicki is fucking ignorant for that shit & my Hello Kitty card was just looking too damn friendly and cute in my wallet.



I've been having some weird dreams lately. I won't go in on that topic because they're just gonna really creep me out and I won't be able to fall asleep.

I wish my roommates were more interesting. They're boring as shit! Like they don't drink, smoke, or party. They don't have any friends and they never do anything exciting. Shit, I wish I had one bi roommate, one weedhead roommate and one smut roommate. That shit would just make the house so much more interesting than it is now.

My boobs are big. Whenever I realize that the picture I uploaded is actually up I'm like "GAHDAMN!"

Ok but forreal though. This niggi was supposed to come over tonight. I'm sexually frustrated, and that's word to Toronto. >=[

I'm already sick of school and for the past few days I haven't been able to fall asleep until 4am and then I wake up @ 12pm regularly. Like that shit is normal or something. UGH! I need some sleeping pills or something!

Keep it juicy.

p.s. I need to re-up.