summer's close.

Time to not give a fuck. Get naked. Get drunk. Be on my "bad girl." Waste money - mainly on gallons of henny and boxes of dutches. Go out to lunch every day. Moon cars full of cute boys and square looking white people on the highway. Keep my room dirty. Sleep the WHOLE day and wake up @ 6pm. Take adventures. Maintain a bald, bikini pussy. Skip the green pills so I can miss my period. Meet other drunk people and forget I met them.

At some point I'm going to have to grow out of this but I'm not ready yet. Maybe after I turn 21 but I'm determined to make sure that the fun doesn't end now. I have the rest of my life to be bored.

I'm ready for the mundane school days to be over. All I do is go to school and work. Every fucking week it's the same shit. I really need to live again. This feels so boring and I don't want to get used to being bored any time soon.

I spent my whole day in the house. I haven't been to class all week because I was sick and I kinda don't care. I want to care but I really don't. School is becoming so fucking annoying every semester. Maybe because I feel like I'm not doing something that I love. I kinda want to take a semester off and see what I can get myself into. I've been in school for almost 16 years so I don't know what it's like to not be in school. I need a break to figure out who the fuck I am. To be honest, I can't really see my life after I graduate. Being a teacher. Just doing the same boring thing everyday. Teaching kids some bullshit that doesn't even matter in the long run. Ok, the more I talk about it it's starting to piss me off.

You know how many boring people there are in this world? People who do the same shit 5 days out of the week and think that rock climbing on saturdays is walking on the wild side. That can't be the rest of my life. I can't imagine myself being happy with that.

All I care about in this world is shoes. Pray for me, people lol.

blurb.

OMG Special K Red Berries is my shit! It's the only other cereal I don't think is disgusting besides Kix with no milk.

Anyways I'm fucking up this bowl of cereal and thinking about shit. Like how I wanna buckle down and focus for next semester. I really just wanna start over completely and not look back. I need to make a routine though to do that because one of my worst habits is acting on impulse. If I don't have daily tasks I'll get so distracted from the shit that I'm really supposed to be doing.

I kinda wanna change my major but that's irrelevant right now.

I painted my nails yesterday and they're already chippy. FML.

Ok so there's supposed to be some big storm coming. I hope it doesn't get too crazy because I have to go to work like everyday until I leave. I hate the fact that we only have 5 people at my job and we get mega hours. I know it's gonna slow down after the season is over which ends in like 2 more wks anyways so I'm not gonna complain.

Jersey in 10 days! And something tells me it's not gonna be as exciting as I want it to be. It's just gonna be regular ass, rude NJ. None of my friends will probably be around, I'm not gonna have my car because I'm flying so that sucks and I feel like everybody's gonna be too busy to be able to do stuff. That's always how things like this end up going. You get all worked up and then you're like, "Oh." when you get there.

But hopefully it's not too bad. I really just wanna make sure I spend as much time with my family as possible. Not even out doing things, but just being in their presence again so I can re-remember the weird things about them like how they smell and their dimples and how tall they are etc. etc. Idk, if you've ever missed somebody that you loved so much you know this feeling.

I wanna puppyyyyyyyyy so bad.

I've just been thinking about so much lately. Like I said, this has been a breakthrough year. Things have been nuts this year for me; not all things were bad things either. But I still just wanna make a turn around for the better in the year to come. I won't be a "teenager" anymore and that to me makes me wanna put more effort into becoming more stable as I enter my adult years. One of my fears is being unachieved, being unachieved AND old?......

I like Snooki.
I hate Natalie.

& I have a love/hate thing with Nicki Minaj. Like wtf? She was fire on Higher Than A Kite, Million Dollar Baby was good (minus the Max B), I Gets Crazy is hot too. Then she had to get all Bratz doll on us. But Dopeman is kinda tight. (Sorry, I'm biased anything with Pusha is a go in my book.)

It's cold as fuck in this house. I'm bouta to turn the heat on full-ignorant-motherfucking-BLAST. (I like doing things to this specific extreme.)

Ok, that's all I wanted to say.

Wait, one more thing. I kinda miss NF. He had my interest.