I CAN'T!

I am not racist, but I am real. I love all types of people but I am not afraid to openly discuss, admit, observe and report accurate stereotypes (ie. Indians can't drive.) But I am sick of the ignorance that presents itself in the discussion of men and their disrespect of a black woman. Before I am ANYTHING else (student, friend etc.) I am a black woman and I am getting tired of the blatant down-putting that we receive.

Like this:

This is despicable. How can you have a black mother, black sisters, a black child and make such a statement?

I have no problem with interracial dating. AT ALL! I have dated and find men of different races attractive also, But denying and shunning your own race is disgusting. It's like people are missing the fundamentals.

Personal preference and desires will outweigh expectations but it does not supersede respect. And that ^ up there ^ is intolerable. There is nothing acceptable about a race disrespecting it's women. ...And that goes for any race.

Furthermore, I not only blame the ignorant state of man, I blame our fucked up media for consciously altering the subconscious minds of the masses. Continuously leading us to believe that if you are not white, "exotic," skinny, long haired, part of the upper tier socioeconomic category, have received formal higher education (scratch that obviously, no one gives a fuck about education anymore with the DUMMIES that people are obsessed with ie. Kim Kardashian, All of those 'Hills' people, Beyonce, etc.) or singing a damn sambo song you are not worthy of being seen by the masses. UNLESS YOU ARE ON A VH1 SHOW WHORING YOURSELF OUT FOR 15 MINUTES OF SHAMEFUL FAME and then you are not only a joke but a joke with no dignity.

Besides that, no one cares about your opinion or what you have to say. And this is not to say that there are no deviants (Oprah) but...she arrived in like 1990, it's 2010, where the fuck is the progress?

I have no clue what race the man I'm marrying will be, but hopefully by the time I have kids, my future daughter will never have to feel neglected by people that look just like her (figuratively speaking) and I won't have to embed in my son that all women should be respected.

Hopefully I won't have to make my children understand that although all cultures and races are beautiful, don't deny who you are as an individual nor who you are as a people. Hopefully things will be different. Because it pains me to see this. It doesn't make me hate white girls or want to be any different because I fucking love me. It really just gives me a bleak outlook for the future of self-identity, self-worth and how I'm going to have to unteach my kids the sad perceptions that today's EVEN SADDER society is being led to believe.

FINALS CAN SMD!

I really hate this shit! It is so overwhelming come the end of the semester and sometimes I just wanna get it over with so much that I don't even think about it. It's either I UNDERstress or OVERstress. It's always an extreme with me and it can never be anything normal. There was alot of pressure and crazy shit going on with me this semester and it's definitely been wearing me down. I sleep all the time, I feel depressed, I always feel like I'm worn out and I have this bad habit of clenching my teeth when I'm stressed out which, in turn causes more stress. I'm going to see a doctor about everything tomorrow because it's really time for me to get all of this together. I don't wanna see myself have another semester of shitty grades or even mediocre grades. That's not right. I know I put alot of negative pressure on myself sometimes and I don't give myself enough credit for the things I have done successfully but alot of that is because my main priority is school and that's what I keep fucking up with the most. Then on top of that my job takes alot of of me also. My whole day has been consumed since last Monday with either a full day of work or a full day of school. I know that's probably normal but it's starting to stress me out and all of the work I've been doing doesn't give me enough time to study and not feel like I'm overworking myself. I'm just ready for this semester to finally be done and I can start from scratch. I really need to learn how to manage my time better and have normal sleeping patterns because alot of my problems revolve around how irregular my sleeping patterns are and how I how my days in general are irregular. I just really need to get it together.

p.s. I'm jelly, my roommate's cousin is buying her a mac. >=[