Thursday, September 10, 2009

Things I Learned After Crossing The Mason Dixon Line

Here is a compilation of information that I've acquired since living in North Carolina*:

  • All vowels are extended at least an extra second.
  • Walmart is sanctuary.
  • "SUCK MY DICK" is not an acceptable statement of playful banter.
  • Neither is "Eat my dick." People are actually shocked when it's said.
  • Niggas are getting robbed if they smoke Newports anywhere else.
  • It is taboo to say "I don't like church."
  • No one knows how to drive or uses their blinker.
  • But everyone drives like they think they do it well.
  • Corner stores are nearly extinct and never on the corner.
  • The gas station is a hang out and is accommodating to those who kick it there.
  • More regular-ass people drive Crown Vics than the actual police.
  • If you miss your turn, don't worry. There's an obnoxious U-turn area every quarter mile in the center of every fucking street!
  • Deer aren't scared of niggas.
  • You will pass inspection, even if you drive a rusty mop bucket. As long as it has 4 wheels and some sort of steering device you're A-OK!
  • Custom license plates are so popular that they aren't even exciting to read anymore.
  • North Jersey = New York City. Syracuse = New York City. Connecticut = New York City. *side eye*
  • Bojangles is the equivalent of Popeyes in capacity but not in taste.
* YEAH, this is a generalization. YEAH, I'm biased as hell. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.. all that good good.


Eurydice said...

the funny thing is, I feel that way about any state below jersey... lol

Tha King said...

Spoken like a true Northerner. Tha King couldn't put it better himself. Too bad your from Jersey though, We NY'ers feel some sort of way about you guys as well. Anyways, you've earned yourself a new follower. Congrats and check Tha King's Blog when you get a chance