Things I Learned After Crossing The Mason Dixon Line

Here is a compilation of information that I've acquired since living in North Carolina*:

• All vowels are extended at least an extra second.
  
• Walmart is sanctuary.
• "SUCK MY DICK" is not an acceptable statement of playful banter.
• Neither is "Eat my dick." People are actually shocked when it's said.
  
• Niggas are getting robbed if they smoke Newports anywhere else.
• It is taboo to say "I don't like church."
  
• No one knows how to drive or uses their blinker.
• But everyone drives like they think they do it well.
• Corner stores are nearly extinct and never on the corner.
• The gas station is a hang out and is accommodating to those who kick it there.
• More regular-ass people drive Crown Vics than the actual police.
• If you miss your turn, don't worry. There's an obnoxious U-turn area every quarter mile in the center of every fucking street!
• Deer aren't scared of niggas.
• You will pass inspection, even if you drive a rusty mop bucket. As long as it has 4 wheels and some sort of steering device you're A-OK!
  
• Custom license plates are so popular that they aren't even exciting to read anymore.
  
• North Jersey = New York City. Syracuse = New York City. Connecticut = New York City. *side eye*
• Bojangles is the equivalent of Popeyes in capacity but not in taste.

* YEAH, this is a generalization. YEAH, I'm biased as hell. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.. all that good good.