no one's gonna understand this shit.

I realize how deprived my generation is. Or even more deprived the future generations will be as everybody will strive to be something their not, or conform, or comply with these things that have no relevance.

I don't mean to come off all philosophical and shit but sometimes things like this run through my mind. I really go through these periods of deep thought and consider what the fuck I'm doing with my life and how I wanna break free from all of this shit that life is.

I don't understand how in order to live a "successful" life we're forced to create these barriers for ourselves and function between them. It seems like the barriers that we have are made of dotted lines that we, every so often, will escape but yet we fall right back in between the lines and rarely venture out.

Why the fuck am I in college?! I haven't learned shit here besides the fact that it's easier for me to wake up around 9am after I've been drinking all night and slept for 4 hours, no one cooks as good as my family, people tend to not shower until after they know they smell like ass, and white owls make for a better high than dutch masters.

I don't fucking know anything! I know that probably says more about my institution than it does of college in general. But even more than that, it says more about society's mind control than it does of my school. We've really been suckered into believing that the only way we can be successful citizens is by listening to 50 year olds basically read a book to us, then graduate, and get a job.

It may seem contradictory for me to rant about our reliance on forced and higher education, seeing as I want to be a teacher. But I feel like my attitude towards education is much more different than the average educator.

Obviously I'm not going to drop out of school and live like a nomad or freeload off of others, because that'd go against the steps that one must take to be a successful person. But it's those same exact steps I have a problem with. That also goes to show that no one is exempt from compliance and that this is life.

Life is mind control!

From the time we're brought into this world and our parents are asked for a first and last name to put on the birth certificate. We're followed, tracked, and trapped. All our parents want us to do is go to school, get good grades, maybe join a sport, stay away from drugs, go to college and get a good job.

Why?! So I can work for the rest of my fucking life?! By the time I graduate, and let's say I wanna go for my masters, I'll be 25 years old. 26 Max. Why the fuck would I willingly accept working for the next 37 years?! (Considering the average retirement age of 62.)

I really need to assess my ultimate purpose. I have these theories of ultimate purpose that I never expose. And I'm sure the fact that I have no religion, and have not been exposed to much religious practices and such, effects my theory. I believe in GOD but I don't go to church. I couldn't name you one verse from the Bible. I couldn't tell you any stories except the one about Noah's Ark and a sourly embellished version of the David and Goliath.

But I want to explore life more. I want to know why we do what we do. And I may have fallen prey to conspiracy theories that exist because I really believe that we have overseers and we, as a people, have been enslaved. More so, I realize that money rules the world and if anyone doesn't know the truth about the top 100 families that rule America should look deeper into that and understand the concept behind the allegations.

From here on out my life is going to change. I know that sounds corny but as I've gotten older I'm starting to see through all this shit. People are as transparent as glass. We're all followers. And if you don't agree then you've fallen for false belief that you're "unique." Because ultimately were all conforming to this 'master plan' that society has created for us.

I don't understand anything anymore. Maybe I'm going crazy.

Over and out.