Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A new semester.

So let me tell you how I am basically a fckn failure at lifeee!

(/ i got really bad grades this semester.)

I definitely need to change my life around and get my priorities straight. The thing that is most important in my life I'm taking for granted and it's backfiring. I know I really should be taking in as much knowledge as possible and trying to be the best student I can be but it's really hard. Mostly because a.) I'm really optimistic and don't worry about anything so I have the tendency to feel like everything's going to be fine when I should be more concerned with things. b.) I'm a procrastinator. I tend to prolong things. c.) I have this immense fear of getting older, so I feel that if i avoid thinking too far into the future and "live for the day" then I can ignore the reality that EVERYTHING ages. d.) I'm lazy as HAILLLL! e.) I'm not used to doing things by myself. Like I really have nothing that I've ever had to be responsible for so I've always been carried by my mother and she OBVIOUSLY can't carry me while I'm in school f.) I'm unorganized. g.) I have no self motivation, determination, discipline or drive WHATSOEVER!

I'm really trying to work on the aforementioned issues and today I went to the library to set up like a daily schedule. Also I'm going to vow that I'm gonna change things and from now on it's gonna be about my education, my money, and being the best I can be. (That also includes me losing about 20 pounds =X ). I'm really trying to be disciplined from now on and get my shit together because I'm GROWN now and I need to act like it.

Therefore, the only things that are going to consume my life from here on out are school, my job, the gym and.. when my mommy drives my car up it'll be that too.

*OH and if I find a man in the mean time.. I guess that nigga can be in on my life loll..

BTW I'm still talking to Brooklyn. He's supposed to come through tmrw but I have this little feeling in the back of my heart that has me thinking it's never gonna work. Idk.. I'm trying to be optimistic and try to look up for us but.. ehhh.. idk about us. Also, my boobie 28 came to visit me the other day and I didn't know how to feel. I just wanted to kiss and hug him and be all over him like I once used to be. It's weird because once you have something and then it's not yours anymore you're so tempted to do the things you once did to the one that was yours! I can remember back in the day when we used to try to find places in the highschool to kiss and boo love and do all that mushy shit but now it's all done with. Well anyways it seems like he's tryna be on my team again =P and I'm not gonna hype it up or jinx anything but I just want it to work. He's coming to visit me Friday night so... we'll see. Overall.. I just wanna be happy.

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